sometimes i´m wondering if it´s odd to be working in the LOVE business being single
but so far it´s running smoothly and at least i got a appropriate hat by now
and yes - i am the boss as you can see by the admiring looks of my two helpers
i had written again how i´m behaving like a mild tyrant and everyone has to follow my lead
when working on my projects
but somehow all those things happening in the last weeks made me rethink those words
because being the boss and actually having to make sure everything is executed to perfection, my perfection
has nothing to do with "not being very nice" and worrying about not being very ladylike
W is actually admiring the fact that i´m able to stand my ground and won´t back down 
so why do i still feel it is a bit "wrong" to do so?
is this my internal misogyny? 
is this why i was feeling like i had the "wrong" feelings when i got angry about one of my professors
telling us that places to study design are wasted on girls since they stop anyway as soon as they are starting to have babies
"wrong feelings" because he´s just telling the truth or because it´s actually funny or because that´s just how he is
and of course Anna got all worked up again - eye-roll - also why isn´t she smiling? 
in case he was actually trying to make us angry by what he said so we would work even harder - good job
because that´s exactly what i did, just to prove him wrong
yet i still don´t think it is okay to say such things and I DO NOT HAVE TO SMILE JUST BECAUSE
(please let me know a good answer to the smile-request, it drives me mad)
and is internal misogyny the reason so many women voted like they did? (more about that HERE)
this is so very shocking... 
so i´m starting to change myself right now:
two posts about the election i liked: EVENCLEVELAND and C´EST CLARINETTE 
+ JESSICA STANLEY´S collection of links
this has to be our biggest BARRETTE whole sale order so far
those are already on their way to to the MAKERS&BROTHERS holiday market in Ireland
which basically means we´re now almost sold out of a lot of styles 
and they will not come back
so do order now in case you´ve got your eyes on one of them
as you can see, we put a lot of care in making them 
and the WSAKE workers get fed very well to keep their strength up


posting an invitation to our next book club meeting
certainly does feel like a very privileged, living-in-a-bubble thing to do right now
when so many people seem to be living with so much fear and discontent they chose a hateful leader
to help them out of their misery by blaming the very weak for all that seems wrong
causing even more fear and anger

"later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered

living in a body that does feel a lot like the world Warsan Shire tries to comfort in her beautiful poem
(found it yesterday in one of the many instagram post rushing in after a long eery silence)
i can understand how you might reach out for the crudest solution to ease your pain,
follow the obscurest path for a promise to ease your suffering, to make you great again
blaming someone/thing else for your despair
but this never has, never will be a solution to make it not hurt anymore
everyone wants to be heard, their voice acknowledged and respected
and we have to do our best to not look away from the anger building up all over the world
that makes people choose the most inhumane radical directions
there must be other ways, broader horizons
like i said - i am fortunate
i have taken education, safety and equality for granted 
and never feared someone might take anything away from me 
what has do be done i do not know
since i too feel anger sometimes and the wish to punch someone/thing
i know this is a acceptable human feeling and that my anger always rises when i feel hurt or overwhelmed
but sometimes there just can´t be anything done about the things hurting me
and all i can do is ease the sting and be okay with the fact that perhaps all will be good again sometime
but not great
so i wish for everyone to be seen without having to cry this loud
and i do hope for the basic rights for everyone, the soil to plant the seed for a life in equality and peace

BUT: we´re actually having an other BOOK CLUB meeting
and this time it´s all about the book everyone has been raving about the last couple of years
a story about the joy and pain of friendship
book one of the neapolitan novels - MY BRILLIANT FRIEND by the (former) mysterious writer ELENA FERRANTE
we´re meeting up on 30.11., 7.30pm
in case you want to join - let me know and i´ll send you the details
(including lots of interesting links and such - also we´re doodle-ing by now, such fun)
also one of our members (HEIKE CZERNER) will tell us a little bit about her work on book covers
and i can´t wait to hear about some of the behind the scenes´ stories 
so sorry, but i´m currently not riding a very creative illustration wave
all i came up with was red wine and a classic italian font

because Italy, blood, passion, violence and such...
i asked my mother if i could use that picture of her and her classmates
for this post hinting that the children in this book are not very nice
and she was like "sure! that picture is an excellent choice - we were a really mean bunch!"


back in September i visited my sister E AND HER BOYFRIEND in Cologne
it was a mad trip
the Deutsche Bahn played a mean trick on me 
(but i´m okay with that now, since they seam to be willing to refund my tickets)
E had just gotten back from Morocco with an evil stomach bug
and i got it too, at least a little
nevertheless i got to visit a lot of photography exhibitions, the Museum Ludwig, 
an antique show taking place in the botanical gardens (those geraniums!!!), 
almost charming Mühlheim and the city center where i rode around on those excellent bikes 
you can pick up with your credit card on every street corner
also i saw a very veiled woman on a kick scooter, addicts shooting heroin right in the middle of the street,
a cat sleeping under a very rare tree in the Flora and parrots all over the city (which was my favorite thing)
then i witnessed my sister drinking hot cocoa with a shot of schnaps, S making soapy tasting cilantro couscous by accident,
tried on some veiling clothes in a special shop and had three-for-the-price-of-two pizza
all in all i still felt a bit overwhelmed by everything
pictures were taken with my phone and their camera
since i travelled extra light this time
oh, and the reason i took this trip in the first place was that a drawing of mine
was exhibited at the sweet KUNSTKUTSCHE KÖLN