a few pictures from those weeks and months when nothing was really happening in my life
since i was completely consumed by pain and exhaustion
my nameless cat wouldn´t leave my side during the more than eleven hours i slept the first night
after my little stint at the hospital
we did spend so much time together and most of it my hands were so hurt and numb 
i could only weirdly pat her which she did not approve of
after some very false diagnoses (and medication), being scared out of my mind and afraid of actually loosing it,
feeling like i reached my limit and couldn´t go any further (then - after being isolated at the hospital for a few days - i got a roommate bravely fighting 
a seemingly lost battle, i realized how much we humans can actually take up with in our wish to stay alive)
there are still a lot of tests running and i feel so ashamed that there are a few doctors doing their best trying to help me
(when all i likely have is an out of control herpes infection and some autoimmune trouble)
because out there in this sick world there are people suffering from so much more pain and heart break
and it looks like we´re starting to loose compassion
being afraid trying to ease the unbearable might be our loss
the amazing thing during this time actually was/is how kind you are
one friend brings over take out regularly and we talk about what ails us
an other friend sends the world´s best chocolate and reading material
i order fun SUMMER CLOTHES with a third one
and get all those sweet messages - you rock, THANKS!
also i´m sorry to say i´m only able to focus on the shallow stuff right now
like being glad about my SEE SUN shirt, SAMUJI skirt and RACHEL COMEY boots
(and a few of not pictured outfits from the excellent LEMAIRE x UNIQLO collection)
all of which i get to wear hopefully really soon when the Spring weather finally comes
also i got another visit from my garden helper (and a few more from my mother)
and now everything is ready to start bursting into life and bloom
we were able to work on a lot of custom made wedding bands lately
and i do have to say it again - our clients are simply the best
they even bring pretty flowers when picking their rings up
soon i´m going to tell you about the weirdly disturbing books i read
they all seamed to go with each other in the oddest ways
and i think we have to talk about that some more