Ich kann nicht mehr schlafen. I lost sleep. Not all of it, but the most important part - falling asleep. It was such an easy thing to do and now it´s gone. Warum? Das Leben, deswegen. And then it all came back and it was bliss.

Ich träume auch nicht mehr. Und dann doch: Wir wollen in zwanzig Minuten nach London fahren. Aber allen tut was weh und keiner hat Tabletten. Also verschieben wir es auf eine Stunde später und holen welche von zu Hause, einer kauft glaub ich auch noch Kondome in der Apotheke. Seine Jacke ist blau, Gore-Tex-blau. Ich weiß, wer er ist, aber warum ist er so klein?

A few nights later condom guy has created a really exciting treasure hunt for me (apparently it´s my dream birthday), the clue cards are yellow, he even spelled his name wrong. I take all of my friends along, everyone seems to really like me - there are tears of joy. We never get to finish it though, the dream takes a turn somewhere. 

This summer needs to slow down. Every summer before that went by too fast, this one is just the same. No more linden tree scented bike rides, meadows already parched by the sun, lavender and oregano in full bloom and there are already quite threatening buds on the Michaelmas diasies - no no no no! I hate those - and phlox, oceans of phlox! And why are there so many hipster sedum plants in my garden, about to burst into those ombre flowers everyone is so crazy about despite the fact that all they do is announcing f... fall?!  I´m this close to do a bit of brutal weeding, but tearing out these signs of pre-fall just won´t keep the seasons from changing.

So soaking it up it is! That´s how I do it: trying to avoid bladder and yeast infections at the swimming pool - might even go for those greasy fries next time, they go so well with chlorinated water. Maybe I could also find out if that circling of crows over the pool is a reoccurring thing as soon as the divers line up - are they really hoping for calamities? Forcing my friends to visit the most bustling places of our city at night, so I can watch people queue for ice cream and be so young - so young! Deepening that Birkenstock Arizona shaped tan on my feet and acquiring more freckles now that I finally don´t mistake the one on my lip for a chocolate stain anymore trying to rub it off. And how come I´m still waiting for the first mosquito bite of the season? I really have to use my rose scented geranium leaves to finally make this very fragrant POUND CAKE again. This is not a particularly summery thing but I do like my way of calculating and since these new pieces are getting more elaborated every single day it certainly keeps adding up a lot - it´s gold-plating now, who knew? And then of course there´s W singing his signature Marilyn Monroe song at the Jazz festival - they had a prime spot at a prime time this year and a great crowd who loved them:

Running wild, lost control.
Running wild, mighty bold.
Feeling gay, reckless too,
carefree mind all the time, never blue.
Always going, don't know where,
always showing... I don't care!
Don't love nobody, it's not worthwhile.
All alone and running wild!

My friend says he knows when I´m not writing the truth. He knows it´s never enough. It´s hard to appreciate the little things when what you really want is huge. 

Und dann sagt der Freund: "Darf ich was Romantisches sagen? Dir fehlt die Liebe." Und ich sage: "I know." And this time I mean it.

The bloody amazing CHARM BRACELET PRINT is by the wonderful FAYE MOOREHOUSE.
The BUTT BARRETTE is by us and it doesn´t get old ever.

Always, always, always NAYYIRAH WAHEED.