(Scrolls - I´m seeing a pattern here: deep fried apple ones from the bakery and a tiny tray of miso cheddar buns sprinkled with with black sesame seeds from an issue of LUNCH LADY
(also it looks like I only want to eat green pasta these days)

I´m always flushed with relief when someone else but me cancels a meeting, then I feel lighthearted and do something silly, like getting a scoop of Bacio ice cream while a cute couple enjoying the sun watches my packed bike. That bag of very unwholesome tipo 0 flour from the Italian super market I only get because of the tacky packaging and because it makes me dream of being someone entirely different, a person who travels to Italy and eats only cakes and bread made of white flour without blinking an eye.

The change of seasons, the white-haired lady selling tiny dark grapes at the farmers market, a certain combination of spices - all of this makes me think a lot about that VISIT from a handful of "internet friends" a couple of years ago and when I tell NINA about it she writes that she is so amazed how carefree we have been back then - so much has happened since. I do miss that ease and those girls. So much seems to be so far away, so very much out of reach. Looking at my full closet I think about giving a lot of the clothes away or selling them, but in the end I can only part with very few items - my mum says she keeps so many pieces just to remember things. And I want that too, everything else goes, to make new memories with my sisters and friends.

There sits a heavy fog all over town in the mornings and it takes almost all day to finally lift and reveal a blue sky, it makes me feel a bit dizzy. Some days we only get about two hours of light before the fog closes in again, right before the sun sets - I go out anyway that evening. The light my bike headlights casts comes alive, consisting of myriads of minuscule dancing water drops - it doesn´t feel scary but safe, riding in the dark being wrapped up in a wet coat. My back hates it though and acts out like crazy.

At the flea market I find a rose quartz candle holder and now I light a bees wax candle in it every night, hoping for calming esoteric stone powers to make me be at ease. W says it hurts his heart to see precious stones cut and wasted so crudely, but I am so drawn to theses things and tell myself it is okay to get them second hand. Also I´m planing a collection of those SALT LAMPS, electrical or lit by candles - since everyone seems to want to get rid of them, you can find some on every single fleamarket, so this shouldn´t take too long.

Things I have in my fridge:
at least 3 tubs of Greek style sheep yoghurt at all times - that is six days of breakfast taken care of
frozen blueberries
ice packs for emergencies that are hopefully never happening
a bottle of linseed oil
ghee - not into the taste lately
Andechser cream cheese, as a base coat for rustic savoury or sweet galettes (made at least twice a week)
bits of cheese (putting cheap Emmentaler on top of these galettes ruins everything, definitely the wrong way to save money)
a packet of miso (when it´s not in my parents´ fridge - we share)
a tiny half full bottle of white wine that must have gone sour by now, since i´m currently not that into risotto style rice puddings
very long lasting feta cheese in case there is nothing else around
capers in salt (what do I do with them?! ideas please!!!)
jar of canned lingonberries, to go into cakes, quark and of course on top of those galettes
half a jar of rose hip jam, I think it needs to be thrown out
Crema Aceto Balsamico, since I found out it needs to be stored in the fridge
tube of tomato paste
a frozen log of peanut sandie dough from Ottolenghi´s "Sweet", when a pat of butter needed using up but I didn´t want to eat any cookies
lately some ready made chocolate pudding since I want some, but simple can´t be bothered making it from scratch
farmers market loot, depending on the season

How come I have never roasted the SEEDS when eating pumpkin?!
MARGARET ATWOOD on her tiny Canadian Island
somehow GOLUBKA KITCHEN pulls at my heart strings right now
of course I´m really into THE LITTLE LIBRARY CAFE