11.4.17

These days it feels like I´m living in a gratitude list, so much to enjoy: the slight crackle of pine cones in this unseasonal heat and the clicking of the very old Shimano gear change riding my bike underneath their branches. Asparagus pee smell! Lovely! A poor mouse giving birth to two babies while being caught in a trap (nibbling on a piece of chocolate in between i hope) - felt so sorry for the little creature, but also: LIFE!  Replacing a lot of the shrubs that didn´t make it through this harsh winter with sunroses in various colours, because they not only seem to thrive in the soil of this garden, it´s also SUN + ROSES! Painted my finger nails for the first time in almost two years, which is weird since I own almost a hundred of those tiny bottles - didn´t like, it just doesn´t fit right now, along with a lot of my clothes. They just don´t work, can´t stand a too tight fabric hug, pantyhose work strangely enough, but other than that: FREEDOM! The biggest bargain I made on the flea market was meeting a girl wearing three pieces of our jewellery - I offered her a discount for the next piece right away and she let me take her picture. We have a FAN, so nice! And here´s a question for you: does anyone find the scent of a pear tree in bloom at night pretty sexy, or is it just me? Do I have Spring feelings like the obviously neutered Persian tomcat stalking my likewise neutered cat for weeks now, looking at her with saucer-like eyes, hissing at me (and her) showing off his saber-tooth fangs and then spending the night in my cellar, desperately waiting for her to leave my bedroom and join him? I actually hope I´m nothing like those two, since she´s making scared-to-death-noises as soon as she spots him and the hair standing up along her spine is starting to resemble a fin - he just seems genuinely disturbed. I think my condition could be called seasonal happiness - my mood is so light these days it´s almost disturbing.

There are still panicky moments in between, when I can´t place a symptom, a poking feeling in my belly, an aching where I think the heart is located.

By now I can´t unlock my Iphone using touch-ID anymore, which means I have been able to hang around at the workshop for quite a bit and developing calluses obviously does change ones finger prints.

We´re working on those bits I carved out of wax last summer, had cast in brass (by a very shitty caster) and which are now evolving into something even more crazy than I thought they would. When I asked W if he thinks some of my "combinations" are nutty enough he sighed with relief "oh, you´re actually going for insane on purpose!". He also finds the breeding phase we´re currently in quite grinding, I however love it - there´s nothing better, my trust in finding a solution for these kind of things in life is endless which puts me in a very relaxed state of mind. Even having trouble falling asleep some nights because I´m pondering some eyelet problems I find delightful. Since I started to work with jewellery I always had the very lucky feeling ideas would just come to me, whenever they are ready and if they´re not that great, then I just let them go (this might be happening to that cat chasing a tiny bird over her head) - no hard feelings about that, no work feels ever wasted (well, it does but only when the caster just burns down your carvings), no pressure, no block. Someday it´s just there. Yes, I´m being full of GRATITUDE for that!






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