wsake

(The tiny red and green dollhouse sized tulips are called SAMANTHA and are really very cute - just in case you need them in your garden next year. So far I can´t tell you if these are one-hit wonders or of the faithfully retuning kind. And basking in the sun is an ARROW BRACELET, in case you need that for yourself.)

For a few days in early spring, when all the mirabelle trees growing unchecked in my backyard are in full bloom, looking out of my bathroom window makes me feel like I am living in a cloud of foam. Then it is also time to visit the plum tree at the car repair shop in my neighbourhood - I think you know him by now. This year, the day I brought my camera along was quite stormy, so I also took a few videos of the flower shower. As I type this, all of it is already gone, now everything is covered in a pale yellow coat of pollen instead - not only outside, inside too. My dust rags will be yellow coloured for weeks to come. It is also the time when I start picking ticks off of the cat, cut them in half with nail scissors and drown them in the toilet, a total over kill.

A very trustful client reached out, asking me to turn her unworn silver necklaces and bracelets into a custom made SILVER RECYCLING NECKLACE, using up all the bits that would work and I think it turned out pretty great. So this is now a thing - in case you have some unloved silver bits and pieces idling away in your drawers, get in touch and we will see if we can give a serious upgrade! Please note: we are not able to turn junk into magic, so it is best to send pictures beforehand and we will estimate what could be done.

You can also send me pieces from your fashion brand and I will wear them in the workshop, trying not to light them on fire or get caught in machines. Then everyone will see how amazing I look wearing them and you will get lots of new customers - you know, the influencer way. I am trying really hard theses days to find new ways of business. I have no credentials whatsoever, people sometimes do buy the jewellery I have been seen wearing however.  What other services could I offer?

I long for a different frame - angular, delicate, lean. Slimslimslim. But in my eyes I will always stay compact, squishy and soft. A forever protruding stomach, the product of the ludicrously shaped spine and a troublesome tummy. A laughable exaggeratedly arched shape. I seem to be drawn more to women of the slender built and contained forms, but I am at the same time scared of their magical thinness power. I think those shaped like myself out of control, bleeding and sagging, loose fleshed. and shamefully sprawling. The burst veins, the sickly paleness, the bloatiness, the red and swollen feet - all of this I consider the fault of the inhabitants of those bodies, my fault. I have started out with the complicated body of a much older woman, it has always been just too much, sticking out indecently and suggesting things I am not, things I know nothing about. And then it started getting even more complicated, becoming even more present, taking up so much space. I turned to drapey clothing quite some time ago, so at least no one would know my outlines. Loose pants, dresses and shirts make me feel safe from my own body, in hiding. Liberated in a way, from what myself and others might see in my outside shape. As soon as I can´t make out my body, I am looking good. Then we are on equal terms and my body stops being the sole dominator of me and my life. Hidden are not only sights, all those malfunctions seem to disappear for a bit, too. When I am feeling especially huge, I consult the scale and it tells me I am not only deranged but also delusional. But those numbers seem to get it all wrong, I see different things in the mirror. And it looks like delusions are the hardest to fight anyway. I am undressing to take a shower, when my sister calls to tell me the story of one of her coworkers who had an aneurism while being stationed on a research station in the sea, a bit like an oil platform, to watch bird migration offshore. The charger of my phone is plugged into the socket next to my full-body-length-mirror and I am forced to acknowledge that I am indeed tiny and completely undeformed looking. The guy is as good as new, they flew him out, since they are trained in a way that makes them call a medivac as soon as you wake up vomiting and have a headache.

And on the topic of undressing: you can spot my sister E performing at the Marina Abramovic exhibition THE CLEANER at Bundeskunsthalle Bonn up until August - since I can´t make it myself, please keep the PICTURES coming!

HOW DO WE WRITE NOW (of course via JESSICA STANLEY)