wsake

actually next to really loving designing and working on jewellery and all things metal

and being really stubborn and therefor preferring working on my own

pain was a big reason for coming up with WSAKE

.

i know out there people suffer from far more excruciating pain

and probably most of them don´t get any help

i don´t wail, but pain was a really big part of my life a few years back and it still is

pain is a sucker

it really is

sucks quite a bit right out of you

very tiring for body and mind

.

i don´t need any help now putting on socks and tights and underpants

cutting food or getting out of the bath tub

i don´t spend hours lying face down on a sitting ball where the only things you can do is cross stitch and read

i don´t try to sleep kneeling or don´t sit down ever

i don´t need to breath and struggle through huge fit, constantly moving to not feel so much

i don´t need heavy pain killers anymore

.

a lot of people told me i had to fight this

and i know that there are a lot of diseases where you have to turn your body into a war zone

i totally respect that

but i can´t fight a body that tries its best to function and just can´t

you don´t work against the pain you breath with it

and also you should sometimes act quickly to avoid recording too many pain memories

this is nothing to rush, you don´t jump out of it that easily

.

actually i felt kind of strong during the peek of the pain

when it started to get easier due to medication

tiredness hit from being so brave and not crying all the time

and there came pressure to really get going now

with whatever

now that it´s better, almost good

.

i still can´t do a "regular" job and that is okay

i don´t mourne for time lost or opportunities missed out

never did

somehow it still happens for a reason - it´s still my way

and i´ve learned so much

about what might be good for my body, about getting help

about the miracles of physiotheraphy (really, those guys are my heros - i wrote so quite often but i happily do so every day)

 and - of course - medication

i feel like i´ve grown, don´t know where, don´t know what

.

and i know i should do something that makes me happy

and for me that is making jewellery with my father right now

and somehow it will work out

i really try to be sure

.

TINY BOUQUET #25 SWEET DECAY

my neighbour likes decorating her house 

but compared to quite hideous santas climbing the walls come christmas time

this illuminated goose is actually kind of pretty

even my grandmother looked forward to its appereance at the end of each october